Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
