when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just blew my weed a kiss
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
