my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
