Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
