i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
