You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
