a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
