She announced her abortion via fbk
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
