Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
