i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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