Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
