Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
