While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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