if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
