A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
