Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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