just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
