Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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