HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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