Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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