That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
