There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
