ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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