so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
