he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize