If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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