Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize