Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
