if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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