very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
