is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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