Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
