why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
