Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
