Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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