somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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