Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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