he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
