I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
