And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
