I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
