Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
