Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
