Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
