that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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