and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
