mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
