Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
