Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
