He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
