Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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