I love black thongs
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
