I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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