I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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