we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVEâ€
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
