see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
