It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
