i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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