I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
