She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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