Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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