I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
