just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
