Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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