just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The power of my boobs compel you
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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