my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
