I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
