A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
