If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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