Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
