You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
