I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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