I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
