thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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