It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
