i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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