im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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