I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I could fuck to npr.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
