wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
