He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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