omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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