The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
