He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
