Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
