i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize