well I can't set my house on fire every night
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
