Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
pop tarts are not kleenex
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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