She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
