Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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